Indistractable Read online

  Removing online technology didn’t work. I’d just replaced one distraction with another.

  I discovered that living the life we want requires not only doing the right things; it also requires we stop doing the wrong things that take us off track. We all know eating cake is worse for our waistlines than having a healthy salad. We agree that aimlessly scrolling our social media feeds is not as enriching as spending time with real friends in real life. We understand that if we want to be more productive at work, we need to stop wasting time and actually do the work. We already know what to do. What we don’t know is how to stop getting distracted.

  In researching and writing this book over the past five years, and by following the science-backed methods you’ll soon learn, I’m now more productive, physically and mentally stronger, better rested, and more fulfilled in my relationships than I’ve ever been. This book is about what I learned as I developed the most important skill for the twenty-first century. It’s about how I became indistractable, and how you can too.

  The first step is to recognize that distraction starts from within. In part one, you’ll learn practical ways to identify and manage the psychological discomfort that leads us off track. However, I steer clear of recommending well-worn techniques like mindfulness and meditation. While these methods can be effective for some people, they have already been written about ad nauseam. If you’re reading this book, my guess is you’ve already tried those techniques and, like me, found they didn’t quite do the trick for you. Instead, we’ll take a fresh look at what really motivates our behavior and learn why time management is pain management. We’ll also explore how to make just about any task enjoyable—not in the Mary Poppins way of “adding a spoonful of sugar,” but by cultivating the ability to focus intensely on what we’re doing.

  Part two will look at the importance of making time for the things you really want to do. You’ll learn why you can’t call something a “distraction” unless you know what it is distracting you from. You’ll learn to plan your time with intention, even if you choose to spend it scrolling through celebrity headlines or reading a steamy romance novel. After all, the time you plan to waste is not wasted time.

  Part three follows with a no-holds-barred examination of the unwanted external triggers that hamper our productivity and diminish our well-being. While technology companies use cues like the pings and dings on our phones to hack our behavior, external triggers are not confined to our digital devices. They’re all around us—from cookies beckoning when we open the kitchen cabinet to a chatty coworker keeping us from finishing a time-sensitive project.

  Part four holds the last key to making you indistractable: pacts. While removing external triggers is helpful in keeping distractions out, pacts are a proven way of reining ourselves in, ensuring we do what we say we’re going to do. In this part, we’ll apply the ancient practice of precommitment to modern challenges.

  Finally, we’ll take an in-depth look at how to make your workplace indistractable, raise indistractable kids, and foster indistractable relationships. These final chapters will show you how to regain lost productivity at work, have more satisfying relationships with your friends and family, and even be a better lover—all by conquering distraction.

  You’re welcome to navigate the four steps to becoming indistractable however you like, but I recommend you proceed in order through parts one to four. The four modalities build on each other, with the first step being the most foundational.

  If you’re the kind of person who likes to learn by example, and you want to see these tactics in action first, feel free to read parts five and on, then come back through the first four parts for a deeper explanation. Also, there’s no requirement to adopt each and every technique right away. Some might not fit your current situation and only become useful in the future when you’re ready or your circumstances change. But I promise you that by the time you finish this book, you will discover several breakthroughs that will change the way you manage distraction forever.

  Imagine the incredible power of following through on your intentions. How much more effective would you be at work? How much more time could you spend with your family or doing the things you love? How much happier would you be?

  What would life be like if your superpower was being indistractable?

  REMEMBER THIS

  •We need to learn how to avoid distraction. Living the lives we want not only requires doing the right things but also necessitates not doing the things we know we’ll regret.

  •The problem is deeper than tech. Being indistractable isn’t about being a Luddite. It’s about understanding the real reasons why we do things against our best interests.

  •Here’s what it takes: We can be indistractable by learning and adopting four key strategies.

  Chapter 2

  Being Indistractable

  The ancient Greeks immortalized the story of a man who was perpetually distracted. We call something that is desirable but just out of reach “tantalizing” after his name. The story goes that Tantalus was banished to the underworld by his father, Zeus, as a punishment. There he found himself wading in a pool of water while a tree dangled ripe fruit above his head. The curse seems benign, but when Tantalus tried to pluck the fruit, the branch moved away from him, always just out of reach. When he bent down to drink the cool water, it receded so that he could never quench his thirst. Tantalus’s punishment was to yearn for things he desired but could never grasp.

  You have to hand it to the ancient Greeks for their allegories. It’s hard to portray a better representation of the human condition. We are constantly reaching for something: more money, more experiences, more knowledge, more status, more stuff. The ancient Greeks thought this was just part of the curse of being a fallible mortal and used the story to portray the power of our incessant desires.

  Tantalus’s curse—forever reaching for something.

  TRACTION AND DISTRACTION

  Imagine a line that represents the value of everything you do throughout your day. To the right, the actions are positive; to the left, they are negative.

  On the right side of the continuum is traction, which comes from the Latin trahere, meaning “to draw or pull.” We can think of traction as the actions that draw us toward what we want in life. On the left side is distraction, the opposite of traction. Derived from the same Latin root, the word means the “drawing away of the mind.” Distractions impede us from making progress toward the life we envision. All behaviors, whether they tend toward traction or distraction, are prompted by triggers, internal or external.

  Internal triggers cue us from within. When we feel our belly growl, we look for a snack. When we’re cold, we find a coat to warm up. And when we’re sad, lonely, or stressed, we might call a friend or loved one for support.

  External triggers, on the other hand, are cues in our environment that tell us what to do next, like the pings, dings, and rings that prompt us to check our emails, open a news alert, or answer a phone call. External triggers can also take the form of other people, such as a coworker who stops by our desk. They can also be objects, like a television set whose mere presence urges us to turn it on.

  Whether prompted by internal or external triggers, the resulting action is either aligned with our broader intention (traction) or misaligned (distraction). Traction helps us accomplish goals; distraction leads us away from them.

  The challenge, of course, is that our world has always been full of things designed to distract us. Today, people find themselves attached to their mobile phones, but they are only the latest potential hindrance. People complained about the brain-melting power of television since its inception. Before that, it was the telephone, comic books, and the radio. Even the written word was blamed for creating “forgetfulness in the learners’ souls,” according to Socrates. Though some of these things seem dull in comparison to today’s enticements, distractions have and always will be facts of life.

  Today’s distractions, however, feel di
fferent. The amount of information available, the speed at which it can be disseminated, and the ubiquity of access to new content on our devices has made for a trifecta of distraction. If it’s a distraction you seek, it’s easier than ever to find.

  What is the cost of all that distraction? In 1971 the psychologist Herbert A. Simon presciently wrote, “The wealth of information means a dearth of something else . . . a poverty of attention.” Researchers tell us attention and focus are the raw materials of human creativity and flourishing. In the age of increased automation, the most sought-after jobs are those that require creative problem-solving, novel solutions, and the kind of human ingenuity that comes from focusing deeply on the task at hand.

  Socially, we see that close friendships are the bedrock of our psychological and physical health. Loneliness, according to researchers, is more dangerous than obesity. But, of course, we can’t cultivate close friendships if we’re constantly distracted.

  Consider our children. How can they flourish if they can’t concentrate long enough to apply themselves? What example are we setting for them if our loving faces are replaced by the tops of our heads as we constantly stare into our screens?

  Let’s think back to the tale of Tantalus. What was his curse exactly? Was it never-ending hunger and thirst? Not really. What would have happened to Tantalus if he had just stopped reaching? He was already in hell, after all, and dead people don’t need food and water, last time I checked.

  The curse is not that Tantalus spends all eternity reaching for things just out of reach, but rather his obliviousness to the greater folly of his actions. Tantalus’s curse was his blindness to the fact he didn’t need those things in the first place. That’s the real moral of the story.

  Tantalus’s curse is also our curse. We are compelled to reach for things we supposedly need but really don’t. We don’t need to check our email right this second or need to see the latest trending news, no matter how much we feel we must.

  Fortunately, unlike Tantalus, we can step back from our desires, recognize them for what they are, and do something about them. We want companies to innovate and solve our evolving needs, yet we must also ask whether better products bring out our best selves. Distractions will always exist; managing them is our responsibility.

  Being indistractable means striving to do what you say you will do.

  Indistractable people are as honest with themselves as they are with others. If you care about your work, your family, and your physical and mental well-being, you must learn how to become indistractable. The four-part Indistractable Model is a tool for seeing and interacting with the world in a new way. It will serve as your map for controlling your attention and choosing your life.

  REMEMBER THIS

  •Distraction stops you from achieving your goals. It is any action that moves you away from what you really want.

  •Traction leads you closer to your goals. It is any action that moves you toward what you really want.

  •Triggers prompt both traction and distraction. External triggers prompt you to action with cues in your environment. Internal triggers prompt you to action with cues within you.

  THE INDISTRACTABLE MODEL

  These four steps are your guide to becoming indistractable.

  Part 1

  Master Internal Triggers

  Chapter 3

  What Motivates Us, Really?

  Zoë Chance, a professor at the Yale School of Management with a doctorate from Harvard, made a shocking revelation to a crowded TEDx audience: “I’m coming clean today, telling this story for the very first time in its raw, ugly detail. In March of 2012 . . . I purchased a device that would slowly begin to ruin my life.”

  At Yale, Chance taught future executives the secrets of changing consumer behavior. Despite the class’s title, “Mastering Influence and Persuasion,” Chance’s confession revealed that she herself was not immune to manipulation. What began as a research project turned into mindless compulsion.

  Chance stumbled upon a product that typified many of the persuasion techniques she taught in her class. She tells me, “We kept saying, ‘Oh, this is brilliant. These guys are geniuses. They’ve actually used every motivational tool we could possibly think of.’”

  Naturally, Chance had to try it out for herself and signed up to be the first guinea pig in her research experiment. Little did she know how the product would manipulate her mind and body. “I really, really, truly could not stop, and it took me a long time to realize it was a problem,” she says now.

  It’s easy to understand why Chance stayed in denial for so long. The product she became dependent on was not a prescription pill or street drug—it was a pedometer. More specifically, it was the Striiv Smart Pedometer, made by a Silicon Valley start-up founded one year earlier. Chance is quick to mention that the Striiv is no ordinary pedometer. “They market it as a ‘personal trainer in your pocket,’” she says. “No! It is Satan in your pocket!”

  As a company founded by former video game designers, Striiv utilizes behavioral design tactics to compel customers to be more physically active. Users of the pedometer are tasked with challenges as they accrue points for walking. They can compete with other players and view their relative rankings on tournament-style leaderboards. The company also couples the step counter with a smartphone app called MyLand, where players can exchange points to build virtual worlds online.

  Clearly, these tricks had cast their spell on Chance. In fact, she found herself incessantly pacing to keep accumulating steps and points. “I would come home, and while I was eating, or while I was reading, or while I was eating and reading at the same time, or while my husband was trying to talk to me, I would be going in this circuit between the living room and the kitchen and the dining room and the living room and the kitchen and the dining room.”

  Unfortunately, all that walking, much of it in circles, started taking its toll. She had less time for her family and friends. “The only people that I was getting closer to,” she admits, “were my colleague Ernest, who also had a Striiv, so we could set challenges and compete with each other.”

  Chance was obsessed. “I was creating spreadsheets to optimize and track—not my exercising, but my virtual transactions in a virtual world that existed on a Striiv device.” Her obsession was not only sucking time away from her work and other priorities but also began to cause her physical harm. “When I was using the Striiv, I was going twenty-four thousand steps a day. You do the math.”

  Chance recalls how, at the end of one particularly active day, she received a tempting offer from her Striiv. “It was midnight, and I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, when this pop-up challenge showed up. It said, ‘We’ll give you triple the points if you just climb twenty stairs!’” Chance quickly realized she could complete the challenge in about a minute by walking down and up her basement staircase twice. After completing the challenge, she received another message, encouraging her to climb another forty steps for triple points. She thought, “Yes, of course! It’s a good deal!” and quickly walked an additional four flights.

  The incessant walking did not stop there. For the next two hours—from midnight until two in the morning—the professor treaded up and down her basement staircase as if possessed by some strange mind-controlling power. When she finally did come to a standstill, she realized she had climbed over two thousand stairs. That’s more than the 1,872 required to climb the Empire State Building. As she walked up and down her stairs in the middle of the night, she felt unable to stop. Under the influence of the Striiv Smart Pedometer, Chance had turned into a fitness zombie.

  On the surface, Chance’s story is a textbook case study of how something as seemingly healthful as a pedometer can mutate into a harmful distraction. Once I’d learned about Chance’s strange obsession with her fitness tracker, I wanted to know more. But first, I needed to better understand what really drove her behavior.

  For hundreds of years, we’ve believed that motivation is driven by
reward and punishment. As Jeremy Bentham, the English philosopher and founder of utilitarianism, put it, “Nature has placed mankind under the governance of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure.” The reality, however, is that motivation has much less to do with pleasure than was once thought.

  Even when we think we’re seeking pleasure, we’re actually driven by the desire to free ourselves from the pain of wanting.

  Epicurus, the ancient Greek philosopher, said it best: “By pleasure, we mean the absence of pain in the body and of trouble in the soul.”

  Simply put, the drive to relieve discomfort is the root cause of all our behavior, while everything else is a proximate cause.

  Consider the game of pool. What makes the colored balls go into the pockets? Is it the white cue ball, the stick, or the player’s actions? We understand that while the white cue ball and stick are necessary, the root cause is the player. The white cue ball and stick aren’t the root causes; they are the proximate causes of the resulting event.

  In the game of life, it’s often hard to see the root cause of things. When we’re passed over for a promotion, we might blame that cunning coworker for taking our job instead of reflecting on our lack of qualifications and initiative. When we get into a fight with our spouse, we might blame the conflict on one tiny incident, like a toilet seat left up, instead of acknowledging years of unresolved issues. And when we scapegoat our political and ideological opponents for the world’s troubles, we choose not to seek to understand the deeper systemic reasons behind the problems.